


Guilty Edges

by allonym



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Character Study, Children of Earth Compliant, Gen, Post-Series 03: Children of Earth (Torchwood), so you know it's gonna be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 22:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonym/pseuds/allonym
Summary: After the events of Children of Earth, Jack has a reason to take very good care of himself.





	Guilty Edges

The grief and guilt are like broken glass, and Jack clutches them tight, forcing the cuts deeper. It’s all he could do now, for Alice, and for Stephen. He remembers reviving next to his dead lover, and is determined now to offer this penance, although it’s not clear who ’s the recipient of this offering. All his gods are dead.  
  
He travels, because he can’t clutch at broken glass and rebuild Torchwood at the same time. No particular destination, although he’s very careful to stay away from trouble. Can’t risk it, not while he’s carrying this burden. He helps in small ways when he can. A lost boy holds his hand until reunited with a frantic mother. The mother’s joy makes the edges of his guilt cut deeper, and he’s content with his pain. Time to move on.  
  
Months pass, and still he is very careful. He makes sure to eat enough, avoids dangerous situations, and drives with caution. His team would’ve never have believed it. Which makes the crash with the drunken lorry driver who crosses the line that much more heartbreaking. Not this soon, he didn’t want to let go this soon. He clutches at the memory of Stephen taking his hand, trusting him, and of Alice screaming in pain and horror. He dies.  
  
He revives thinking of the Doctor. He always revives thinking of the Doctor. His first Doctor, the man he never doubted, the man who filled his thoughts during that first death. He remembers that the Doctor is dead, and is struck by fresh grief. The pinstriped replacement will never be the same man, not to him. The Doctor is lost to him as much as Rose is, stuck in another universe. Again.  
  
He crawls out of the wreckage and takes stock. Lorry driver dead, and no other vehicle on this empty country road. Where had he been headed?  
  
Nowhere. Now he remembers. Alice. Stephen. His carefully tended grief is lost. It’s a sad story, but the edges are gone. It’s something that happened to another man. He feels an echo, grieving the loss of grief, but it doesn’t cut.  
  
All trauma has been healed. Physical, mental, emotional. Back to the beginning.  
  
It’s a good thing, usually. He’d have never recovered from the Year, or from his time spent underground, otherwise. But sometimes edges are needed. Sometimes they are lessons.  
  
He sighs. Time to go back to Cardiff, to say good-bye for a while, and set the stage for his return. He’s mended too soon, and can’t stick around.  
  
Gwen will think he’s leaving because he feels guilty. The truth is that he’s leaving because he doesn’t.  


**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea that Jack Harkness's mental health "resets" after dying from Raven Aorla's excellent Batman crossover, [ Cards on the Table ](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=39483)
> 
> * * *


End file.
